Netflix Seeks To Improve Streaming Content; Encourages Users To Rip DVDs

Today was a seemingly good day for Netflix. They just announced a better than expected 4th Quarter after what has been seen as the most disasterous year in their existence. Between the decision to split their DVD business off into a new company called Qwikster and their troublesome price hike, Netflix suffered a 70% drop in their stock price in a matter of months. Well, after today, it seemed that Netflix had put its worst days behind them and was poised for recovery. That was, until Reed Hastings made the following announcement.

Today marks a new beginning for Netflix. After a great Q4, we’re looking to tackle our biggest challenges as we look forward to the future, not only to improve our business but to improve the service we offer to our great customers. The biggest challenge we face today is simply not enough quality streaming content. We hear our customers, but our negotiation difficulties with certain movie studios have left us with our hands tied. So, we’re putting measures in place to solve this issue, and we think we nailed it. Starting tomorrow, users will be encouraged to rip and upload any Blu-Ray or DVD new release movie that is not currently part of our growing Instant Watch collection. In return, you’ll be credited with a free month of Netflix service. We believe that if even 3% of our users contribute to this initiative, we’ll be able to provide every new blockbuster hit within 1-2 days of its release.

News of this initiative seems interestingly timed, as the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA), was just put on hold after a national protest. However, if Netflix launches this initiative, they are set to face a tremendous amount of legal ramifications Robert Shapiro couldn’t even hope to defend. In fact, we wanted to validate our predictions, so we reached out to Robert Shapiro himself. “Let’s put it this way”, he said, “Netflix’s survival will be about as promising as O.J. Simpson’s innocence.”

We were able to get our hands on a screenshot of the new feature, shown below. We’ll be watching as this develops.

Inside the MPAA’s plans after SOPA/PIPA: The Alphabet Game

The bills SOPA and PIPA (collectively known as SOPAIPILLA) were widely protested today. Several websites censored themselves to simulate what the internet could become should SOPAIPILLA pass. This protest is expected raise awareness about the bills and help kill the bills in their respective sides of congress. Supporters of the bills are naturally looking for ways to get their legislation passed despite widespread opposition.

The first strategy was just to have two separate bills, so that if one was opposed, the other had a chance. SOPA was the first to be targeted, because of its negative context: the STOP online piracy act. The Senate’s version of the bill, the Protect Intellectual Property Act is about protecting, and not stopping. Well, that clearly has not protected the bill nor has it stopped opposition. Should these two bills be killed, the MPAA won’t be caught with their pants down, and already have some new ideas about branding new versions of similar acts.

Former Senator and current Chairman and CEO of the MPAA Chris Dodd commented on their long term outlook. “Our next plan is a stand by. Just name the act something more positive sounding.” He suggested the next house bill be named the “More Internet Jobs Act.” He provided “Grand American Opportunity Act” for the Senate version. Although this is an easy fix, it doesn’t change the fact that these are still simply acronyms that can just as easily be opposed as soon as they’re revealed for what they truly are.

Therefore, the next strategy is convoluting the name so it is not so easily discussed. The Taking Back America’s Status as a Super Power Because if We Don’t Do Something Right Now China Will Be Walking All Over Us In Like 30 Years Do You Really Want That Bill. “We don’t foresee opposition to TBASSPBWDDSRNCWBWAOUIL30YDOYRWTB. You just can’t fit that into your Twitter avatar.” Other strategies for avoiding the proliferation of acronyms is naming the bill in languages that don’t use the Roman alphabet. “We’re experimenting with naming legislation in Russian or Chinese. I’m not sure if that’s legal, but we’re prepared to pass additional changes to overcome that hurdle.”

Instead of treating the catchy acronyms as a problem, the MPAA can make them work in their favor. “Look, we’re no strangers to acronyms. We’re the MPAA. You should see the list of our global counterparts.” As a last resort, the MPAA would propose submitting the Killing Internet Theifs ‘Til the End of ‘Nfinity Statute to the house floor. They are also lining up Senators to introduce the Time to Reprimand Online Offenders and Pirates Statute. “I’d like to see the internet rise up and exclaim ‘KILL KITTENS.’ Let’s see the looks they get when they say ‘TROOPS is bad for America.'”