Shocking new evidence proves Abraham Lincoln really did invent Facebook

Earlier this week, a blogger posted a long-winded story claiming he had proof that Abraham Lincoln invented Facebook. His story was an adventure which lead him to discover a patent filed in 1845 by Abraham Lincoln for a newspaper comprised of Facebook-like profiles and status updates. The patent stated “every Man may have his own page, where he might discuss his Family, his Work, and his Various Endeavors.” Or in other words, Facebook.

Shortly after he broke this story, it went viral. Thousands of people began to share the story. Then, credible media sources got word of it and stated it was a hoax all along. At Mockcrunch, we were not going to allow the “gotcha media” to sweep this important part of our history under the rug. We went out and began our own investigation. We consulted with the most prestigious hackers and sleuths in the world, including the famous Sherlock Holmes, who unfortunately ended up being useless and computer illiterate, carrying nothing more than a magnifying glass. But I digress. Our hackers did their job, and boy did we find a gem.

Extensive research lead us to a very interesting domain: facegazette.com. Take a look at the WhoIs information.

This was pulled directly from NetworkSolutions WhoIs page. If you’d like to see it for yourselves, visit any WhoIs service and search for the domain facegazette.com. This discovery is remarkable. Even the address listed on the domain matches the address of his residence in 1845, right around the time he had filed the patent. Abraham Lincoln was clearly getting his ducks in a row, as he registered a .com domain name for this Facebook-like service using GoDaddy before GoDaddy or the Internet even existed. Not only does this domain registration give us damn-near surefire proof that Abraham Lincoln really did invent Facebook, but this is phenomenal evidence of something much bigger: time travel. There is no other logical explanation for our findings.

We reached out to famous American astrophysicist Irwin I. Shapiro to help us make sense of this. He wouldn’t take our call. Nevertheless, we have a feeling that this story is far from over.