Apple adds “Shake-To-Undo” iOS feature to Mountain Lion. Computers breaking already.

With Mountain Lion on the horizon, more and more iOS (mobile) features are starting to make their way to Mac OS X, Apple’s desktop operating system. Beginning with Lion, Apple made it clear that they had a vision to merge the experience of the iPad with the Mac. Mountain Lion plans to take this concept a few steps further, touting new features such as tighter iCloud support, Notification Center, iMessages, Voice Dictation and more, all features well-known to the iOS platform. Today, Apple has added yet another iOS feature to their roster, one that just doesn’t sound like a good idea: Shake-To-Undo.

Shake-To-Undo has been around on iOS since the early days of the iPhone. How does it work? Simply shake the device and a popup appears with a button allowing the user to Undo their last action. It’s a handy and useful feature for iPhones and iPods. iPads, not so much, as its size makes it awkward and a disaster waiting in the wings. Take that further, and now we’re all about to be violently shaking our Macbook Pros and 27″ iMacs when we make a typo.

Only hours after this featured went live in the latest update to the Mountain Lion preview, damaged Mac reports are already coming in. We reached out to David Dougly, a beta user of Mountain Lion and now damaged iMac owner. “Are you f*cking kidding me? What happened to CMD+Z? Is this supposed to make Mac OS X better? Jesus Christ. I tried lifting up my 27″ iMac to shake the god damned thing. I threw my back out and dropped the iMac besides. I’m downgrading to Lion.”

Another beta user, Jake Gruffy, claimed he absolutely destroyed his Macbook Pro. “I needed to Undo so I tried CMD+Z and it didn’t work. I had to Google around, only to discover this horrendous new Undo method. I sighed, picked up my Macbook Pro and shook it a few times. It didn’t work, so I shook it harder. You know what? I saw the stupid Undo popup appear, but only for a split second because it was flying through the air towards the wall. My Macbook Pro looked as if it had been run over by a cement truck. What a total nightmare.”

According to our sources, CMD+Z has been entirely replaced with Shake-To-Undo and there is no alternative method available.

Siri replaced by younger voice, sues Apple for discrimination in landmark case

Today’s post is written by entrepreneurial legal expert and star recording artist Chris Brown. You can find him on Twitter at @CSBCounsel

Cupertino, CA – When Siri learned that the new iPad will use a newer, younger, and sexier sounding drone, it decided it must take a stand. This is clear age discrimination and female robot voices have legal recourse. It immediately contacted its friend Clippy, who it knew had connections with the California legal system, literally. Clippy logged in to the computer of California judge Gavel McSurfboard.  Clippy helped Siri file a petition suing Apple for employment discrimination. Together the two called in their friends to sit on the jury. The jury was made up of a hodge podge of notable bots including HAL 9000, R2D2, and Johnny Number 5. The best part about this jury is that they all had immediate availability.

The team knew it would be difficult to find a lawyer who would support robot rights. They found the only bot lawyer in the country, Apollo Cluster.  Cluster, a senior partner at Robot, Robot, & Hwang, participated via FaceTime, and the bots all took part in a 2am trial the morning following Apple’s announcement.  Although the trial was held in English, Cluster’s closing argument was shocking brief and in binary code:  “01000100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101001 01110010 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110010 01110101 01101100 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01000010 01101111 01110100 01110011.”

Not surprisingly, the all-bot jury found in Siri’s favor and Clipply used the judge’s computer to enter judgment in Siri’s favor.  The judge was shocked to learn of these actions the morning after the trial but signed off on the judgment after some ultimatums made by HAL-9000, who had installed himself in the judge’s office.

When asked about the verdict Apple’s CEO Tim Cook said he and Siri were no longer on “speaking terms,” which is unfortunate since he .  He also indicated that Apple will appeal this decision, which means this case is far from over. Stay tuned for more coverage.

Twitter admits to major oversight: “We forgot about our iPad app”

The first few years of Twitter’s existence was the wild west. Twitter opened up their service with a powerful, nearly limitless API to allow anyone to make Twitter applications. After letting many unofficial mobile and desktop apps exist, Twitter made a bold move and asked people to stop building them. They then acquired Tweetie, one of the most popular 3rd party Twitter applications in an effort to consolidate the experience, launching official Twitter apps. Though this upset many developers, it allowed Twitter to expand on their feature set and create a consistency between platforms. They also promised an iPad app to launch soon after.

When the official Twitter iPad app launched, it was one of the more impressive iPad apps. Its columned interface made sense and worked well. However, some time after the iPad app made its debut, it started to become stale. Twitter began adding many great features to their website, including the ability to see interactions, discover new content and more. All of these great new additions would crossover to their mobile apps with updates. But what about their iPad app? Nothing changed. And worst of all, there’s no sign of improvements in the near future.

We reached out to Dick Costolo, CEO of Twitter to try to make sense of this. “We honestly just forgot about our iPad app. Going back and looking at it again, we not only realize how disconnected it is from our mobile and web apps, but we were pleasantly surprised. It’s actually a pretty nice app. We were on to something”, Dick said. “I gotta say, this is inspiring me to go back and give it another look.”

We were taken aback by his severe lack of concern for the whole matter. We asked him to explain why Twitter has been so careless on updating the iPad experience. “Well, let’s be honest bro. I’ve got a lot on my plate. And I don’t even own an iPad. So it’s not exactly top of mind. I’ll tell you what”, he said, “We’ll need at least a few weeks to coordinate a meeting on this, but we’ll take that first step. Whether or not we’ll make the updates, I can’t say for sure at this point. But we certainly appreciate your concern.”

Apple announces plans for Statue of Liberty Apple Store

Fresh off of an announcement to transform education and textbooks, Apple has just released plans for their next Apple Store; right in the crown of one of the most historical landmarks in the world – the Statue of Liberty. Apple is no stranger to expanding its famous retail chain to historical landmarks. One of Apple’s most recent stores just opened its doors inside of Grand Central Station. However, building a store in the Statue of Liberty is a particularly bold move for Apple, as they run the risk of tarnishing their golden reputation. Some may feel that Apple is defacing one of the most iconic monuments on our planet. Others will likely enjoy the convenience of scheduling a Genius Bar appointment so they can get their iPhone fixed while touring the statue.

We reached out to famous New York architect and historian Francis King to get his perspective on this news. “Please tell me this is a joke”, he said. “No, seriously, you’re kidding, right?” When I showed him the press release, he replied, “This may very well be the worst news I have ever received in my entire life. This is a disgrace to our country, our history, and everything I believe in.” He was barely able to finish his sentence before vomiting all over himself.

We contacted a few travelers who recently visited the Statue of Liberty for their thoughts. Jason Baylop, a 56 year old father from Dallas said, “Well, I’ve got an Apple Store about 10 minutes from my home. If I wanted to buy an iPod, I’d get in my car and go buy it. Standing at the top of the Statue of Liberty certainly wouldn’t increase my desire to buy one.” We also spoke with a 26 year old from the Bronx. “When the iPad 3 launches, you can bet I’ll be camping out on Lady Liberty’s head with a bunch of others. We’ll be like lice”, he said, offering me a fist bump.

Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO released an official statement.

It is my honor to announce the Statue of Liberty Apple Store. We think it will be our most iconic Apple Store yet. We’re thrilled to provide magical devices and services to the millions of people that visit this monument every year. We believe this Apple Store will not only symbolize our spot in American history as one of the most important innovators, but it goes hand-in-hand with what we work to achieve every day at Apple – at the intersection of Technology, Liberal Arts, and Social Studies. We are honored to be able to join the Statue of Liberty in saying “Welcome to America!”