Apple adds “Shake-To-Undo” iOS feature to Mountain Lion. Computers breaking already.

With Mountain Lion on the horizon, more and more iOS (mobile) features are starting to make their way to Mac OS X, Apple’s desktop operating system. Beginning with Lion, Apple made it clear that they had a vision to merge the experience of the iPad with the Mac. Mountain Lion plans to take this concept a few steps further, touting new features such as tighter iCloud support, Notification Center, iMessages, Voice Dictation and more, all features well-known to the iOS platform. Today, Apple has added yet another iOS feature to their roster, one that just doesn’t sound like a good idea: Shake-To-Undo.

Shake-To-Undo has been around on iOS since the early days of the iPhone. How does it work? Simply shake the device and a popup appears with a button allowing the user to Undo their last action. It’s a handy and useful feature for iPhones and iPods. iPads, not so much, as its size makes it awkward and a disaster waiting in the wings. Take that further, and now we’re all about to be violently shaking our Macbook Pros and 27″ iMacs when we make a typo.

Only hours after this featured went live in the latest update to the Mountain Lion preview, damaged Mac reports are already coming in. We reached out to David Dougly, a beta user of Mountain Lion and now damaged iMac owner. “Are you f*cking kidding me? What happened to CMD+Z? Is this supposed to make Mac OS X better? Jesus Christ. I tried lifting up my 27″ iMac to shake the god damned thing. I threw my back out and dropped the iMac besides. I’m downgrading to Lion.”

Another beta user, Jake Gruffy, claimed he absolutely destroyed his Macbook Pro. “I needed to Undo so I tried CMD+Z and it didn’t work. I had to Google around, only to discover this horrendous new Undo method. I sighed, picked up my Macbook Pro and shook it a few times. It didn’t work, so I shook it harder. You know what? I saw the stupid Undo popup appear, but only for a split second because it was flying through the air towards the wall. My Macbook Pro looked as if it had been run over by a cement truck. What a total nightmare.”

According to our sources, CMD+Z has been entirely replaced with Shake-To-Undo and there is no alternative method available.

Siri replaced by younger voice, sues Apple for discrimination in landmark case

Today’s post is written by entrepreneurial legal expert and star recording artist Chris Brown. You can find him on Twitter at @CSBCounsel

Cupertino, CA – When Siri learned that the new iPad will use a newer, younger, and sexier sounding drone, it decided it must take a stand. This is clear age discrimination and female robot voices have legal recourse. It immediately contacted its friend Clippy, who it knew had connections with the California legal system, literally. Clippy logged in to the computer of California judge Gavel McSurfboard.  Clippy helped Siri file a petition suing Apple for employment discrimination. Together the two called in their friends to sit on the jury. The jury was made up of a hodge podge of notable bots including HAL 9000, R2D2, and Johnny Number 5. The best part about this jury is that they all had immediate availability.

The team knew it would be difficult to find a lawyer who would support robot rights. They found the only bot lawyer in the country, Apollo Cluster.  Cluster, a senior partner at Robot, Robot, & Hwang, participated via FaceTime, and the bots all took part in a 2am trial the morning following Apple’s announcement.  Although the trial was held in English, Cluster’s closing argument was shocking brief and in binary code:  “01000100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101001 01110010 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110010 01110101 01101100 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01000010 01101111 01110100 01110011.”

Not surprisingly, the all-bot jury found in Siri’s favor and Clipply used the judge’s computer to enter judgment in Siri’s favor.  The judge was shocked to learn of these actions the morning after the trial but signed off on the judgment after some ultimatums made by HAL-9000, who had installed himself in the judge’s office.

When asked about the verdict Apple’s CEO Tim Cook said he and Siri were no longer on “speaking terms,” which is unfortunate since he .  He also indicated that Apple will appeal this decision, which means this case is far from over. Stay tuned for more coverage.

Apple’s Retina display is the most innovative thing ever for the third time

Yesterday at the annual WWDC conference, Apple announced the next generation of their Macbook Pro. Among other tweaks to the hardware, the latest in the line will feature a 2880 x 1800 resolution Retina display. This is great news for people who are worried about people reading their screen over their shoulder and web developers who didn’t have enough screens to deal with. Apple once again shows us a technology we didn’t know we needed, but have to have. Their innovative use of high pixel density has blown away Apple analysts and fanboys. And you can see Apple refining the technology with each iteration. The iPhone 4’s screen pixel density is 326 ppi. Apple outdid themselves with the iPad 3 having a pixel density of 264 ppi, and now the latest Macbook Pro will sport a 220 ppi pixel density. That’s a reduction of 33% in just 2 years! Innovation!

Gilbert Godfrey tries to use the new Macbook Pro

So what will Apple do next with their innovative technology? What screens can we improve that we didn’t know needed an improvement. As an Apple rumors expert, Mockcrunch has a few ideas. When I walk up to a Coke Freestyle Machine, I can totally see the pixels in those logos. How about clock faces. Sure, I can read the time when there’s 7 LED’s for each number, but can I feel it? What if we up those 7 LED’s to 700? That would get me out of bed in the morning.

Perhaps you’ve been annoyed by pixelated tail lights. With Retina tail lights on cars, you won’t have to look at pixels while at a stop light. It will look just like one big light. Speaking of waiting at lights, stop lights could use more pixels. I hate having to stare at red lights that have spaces in between the red. When will we have Retina stop lights?

We’ll just have to wait and see when Apple will make their next innovative play, like bringing Siri to iPad 3. I could really use Siri on my Macbook Pro.

8 predictions for Apple’s WWDC keynote based on the invitation

Monday is Christmas for Apple fanboys. One of Apple’s biggest events, the World Wide Developer Conference is coming up next week. Apple’s Keynote during this event has historically unveiled many new Apple products and features, ranging from new iPhones and Macs to major iOS software updates and more. Rumors are right on schedule, flooding in this week as to what could potentially be on the agenda for Apple and what new amazing things we can expect to be revealed.

At Mockcrunch, we aren’t fooled. We know Apple has a history of giving little announcement clues with the event invitation. So we’re going to analyze the shit out of it. Here we go.

1. Hologram of Steve Jobs will, in fact, make an appearance.

We covered this rumor once already. But, this invitation clearly confirms it. Take a look at the transparency right in the middle of the apple logo. The squares make a point to reveal a lack of opacity. Apple is trying to tell us something. Transparency very much relates to the appearance of a holographic image. If we’re reading this correctly, we’ll see a resurrection of Steve Jobs in just a few days.

2. iPhone Nano is coming

Take a look at the squares inside the logo. You’ll notice that they are all scaled in different sizes. And, the squares look exactly like iOS app icons. The scaling icons represent multiple screen sizes. Right now, iOS apps have 2 scales – the iPhone/iPod Touch and iPad. Apple is clearly trying to tell us that they will be adding another screen size to their lineup of iOS products. And given the number of tiny squares, we are looking at a dead giveaway. iPhone Nano.

3. The iPhone 5 will be revealed.

Look at the date they chose to start with – the day of their keynote. June 11th. Interesting, I’d say. Let’s look back at June 11th in history. MS Dos 5.0 was released in 1991. 5.0. iPhone 5. In 1983 , “My Love” by Lionel Richie peaked at #5. People love Apple products. In 1905, Penns Railroad debuted the fastest train in world. Will Apple debut the fastest phone in the world? This is beginning to seem a little too obvious.

4. Apple will bring factory operations to the U.S.

It seems Apple is making a case for really emphasizing “in San Francisco”. Yet, they don’t tell you where the actual conference will be taking place. What help is it to know what city the event is in without knowing the conference’s address or venue? It’s not helpful. It’s a clue. After all the bad press Apple received about the conditions of their China-based factory, Foxconn and the disappointment people have shared for their factory outsourcing habits, Apple is trying to tell us that they want to be in San Francisco and are proud of it. Apple is indicating that they want their products to say Made in San Francisco. And they will. Soon.

5. Improved iOS calendar

This one is practically slapping us in the face. The conference is 5 days, yet Apple’s invitation refers to the length of this event as a “week”. They have decided to label 5 days as a week. This is a metaphor for our busy lives – never having enough time and the difficulties of keeping track of dates and schedules. We expect to see some innovation on the iOS calendar – or maybe something even more interesting.

6. Apple intends to further expand globally, reaching all remaining countries

The week we’ve all been waiting for. All defines entirety of humanity. No one is left out from “all”. We expect Apple to be making an announcement that they will be selling their products to every remaining country on this planet.

7. iOS will get a nice speed boost

Yes, our iPhones have kept us waiting. We’ve all been waiting while apps slowly launch and websites take their time to load. This is what we’ve all been waiting for. Faster iOS. It all makes sense.

8. Apple is lobbying for a Mitt Romney presidency

This one is more of a guess. But look closely – there is no space between WWDC and 2012. Ignore the first WW, you’ll see DC2012. Washington DC. Election year. Mitt’s full name is Willard Mitt Romney – the First W. The second either stands for “win” or “White House”. We’re not sure yet. But all signs point to a lobbying effort from Apple. This is a strange decision from such a liberal company.

There you have it folks. We’re about to see another big Apple event. There is lots on the horizon, from iPhones to Romnies. We’ll keep an eye out next week.

Apple CEO Tim Cook at D10: “We’re doubling down on celebrity Siri commercials”

The All Things D conference is one of the only non-Apple conferences that Apple participates in annually. It is well-known for their hot seat interviews with Steve Jobs, usually conducted by Walt Mossberg, tech journalist at the Wall Street Journal. This year, Apple CEO Tim Cook took the stage to replace the late Steve Jobs, making it his first interview at the All Things D conference.

Tim Cook had a lot of interesting things to say, hinting at future products, company focuses and new policies. One of the notable parts of the interview was when Walt asked Tim if he could give away any secrets about Apple’s plans for the next couple of months. “We’re doubling down on celebrity Siri commercials”, Tim said. It seems they are intending to produce many more commercials where celebrities are shown using Siri in their daily lives. The current line-up includes Zooey Deschanel, Samuel L Jackson and John Malkovich. When asked if Tim could name some of the upcoming celebrities, Tim replied “Stay tuned.”

What can we expect from the next set of celebrity Siri commercials? All Apple has managed to do is show how little value Siri adds in our daily lives. So far, celebrities have used Siri to determine if it’s raining while a window is in viewing distance, find restaurants who deliver soup (pro tip: probably none), ask it to tell a joke and laugh before it even tells the joke, and request that it “takes a night off”. None of these scenarios sell the service. Will the next set of celebrities do a better job?

We did some digging and were able to confirm that Pauly Shore, Keanu Reeves and Mel Gibson have all signed on to be featured in upcoming Siri commercials. Through an anonymous source, we were able to get our hands on a transcript from the Pauly Shore commercial.

Pauly: Hey buuuuuuuudy!

Siri: Sorry, I don’t understand ‘Hey bud ready’

Pauly: Find me a bar. I wanna chill.

Siri: I found 20 bars. 8 of them are close to you.

Pauly: Killer. Let’s wheeze a little ju-uice.

Siri: Let me think… how about a websearch for ‘Let’s wizened little JetBlue’s?’

Pauly: Sure bro

So far, we see no improvement on the quality of these commercials. It seems that they are expecting most users to be sold simply by showing a celebrity use Siri, no matter what the context is. Regardless, the one that we’re most concerned about is Mel Gibson’s commercial, given his history of violent rants. As soon as we can dig up information on that one, you’ll get it here first.

Facebook isn’t making a phone, Facebook is making a pager. Wait, what? [PIC]

Facebook has been the center of attention this past week, making headlines all over the place. First the Facebook IPO launched after Zuckerberg threatened to cancel it, then it bombed, then Facebook started getting sued left and right, then Mark Zuckerberg apparently felt like it was a good time to get married to his longtime girlfriend. To top it off, Facebook decided to stir the pot by hiring Apple engineers to begin work on a project that many believe is a Facebook phone. This coincides with a long standing rumor Facebook has been working on a phone, but they heavily denied it. Well today, the rumors have been quelled. An image has been leaked showing a pager-like device with a Facebook notification message on its display. It seems Facebook isn’t working on a phone at all. We are about to see the return of the pager, courtesy of Facebook. Huh?

Why in the world would Facebook make a pager? We reached out to Tom Garwinkle, tech analyst at the WSJ for his opinion. “Sometimes I hate my job. This is one of those times. But, I suppose I’ll be as professional as I can be”, Tom said. Since Tom was no help at all, here is our analysis. We know that Facebook is lacking a monetization strategy for mobile users. A pager provides immediate notification of activity on your Facebook page, encouraging users to login to the site and view the activity. This is where they want users, on the website, so it certainly plays into their current strategy. At the end of the day, this is a roundabout mobile monetization strategy. Does it make sense? Not at all. But it’s a strategy, nonetheless. That’s a step in the right direction.

Tom did say that he feels they may have a shot at bringing Baby Boomers, seniors, and dumb phone users into their mobile strategy as well. That is, if this pager is cheap enough and people are receptive to bringing a pager back into their lives.

If introducing a whole new device into the cutthroat market of smartphones is their solution for mobile monetization, what’s next for Facebook? We’d suggest making a mobile app that works.

Apple’s Q1 Victory: iPhones outsell Hotcakes for the first time

Last week, Apple announced it’s superb first quarter 2012 earnings, beating estimates yet again and bringing in more revenue than many countries. It was no surprise that Apple’s range of popular products and services continued to sell very well, as their recent dominance has yet to waver. But one statistic has come as a shock to many analysts, as it truly puts into perspective just how many iPhones Apple sold this quarter.

Today, Hotcakes of America, a corporation that distributes and oversees all hotcakes nationwide, released their Q1 earnings of 2012. There were only 36.13 million hotcakes sold this quarter, nearly 1 million less than total iPhones sold. This is a significant win for Apple, as hotcake sales have long been a universal benchmark to measure success.

Is this a sign that people are eating less hotcakes, or that Apple has discovered the real secret to satisfying the apetites of our generation. We reached out to Anthony Jemima, COO of Hotcakes of America for some insight.

“Well you have to understand, part of the problem here is pancakes. Hotcakes are not pancakes. This is a very common misconception. Unfortunately for us, chains such as IHOP and Denny’s have helped establish pancakes as an American breakfast norm. When we landed our major partnership with McDonald’s, we felt we were on the right track to continued supremacy. The truth is, hotcake sales are down. We’re not happy about it”, said Jemima. “But let’s be clear. Hotcakes aren’t going anywhere.”

We asked Anthony what’s next for hotcakes. “We’re currently looking for a Community Manager to help us engage on Social Media channels. We intend to launch a major campaign later this year to put hotcakes back in the spotlight. I can tell you one thing – you ever see pictures floating around the Internet of rabbits with a pancake on their head? The original was a hotcake. Yes, we’re going there.”

Hologram of Apple’s Steve Jobs To Appear At iPhone 5 Keynote [RUMOR]

We received a juicy rumor today that Apple is planning to bring Steve Jobs back to life in the form of a hologram to announce the next iPhone at Apple’s upcoming keynote event. According to our source, Apple has been working with AV Concepts, the team that created the incredible Tupac Hologram which made its appearance just last week at Coachella. They are digitally recreating Steve Jobs’s body and voice, allowing Apple to create entirely new product announcements that the hologram of Steve Jobs can lead, creating the illusion that Steve Jobs was brought back to life on stage.

This is a very calculated move by Apple, as the last keynote lead by Apple’s new CEO, Tim Cook, lacked the spark, excitement, and famous “reality distortion field” that only Steve Jobs could deliver. Many believe Steve Jobs’s charisma and presentation prowess was a key contributor to Apple’s massive turn-around over the last decade. This is a natural move for Apple, allowing the company to continue to create the “must have” reaction and instant emotional product attachment that Jobs consistently produced.

We reached out to a Dave Carbon, a tech editor at the Wall Street Journal for a comment. “Apple is smart. They know they are missing the famous ‘reality distortion field’ and it’s only a matter of time before this begins to affect Apple’s brand. It’s only natural that they evolve the ‘reality distortion field’ to include Steve Jobs’s existence. There’s some sort of ironic serendipity there.”

How will everyone react? Some may feel its in poor taste – others will be blown away at the illusion of Steve Jobs’s revival. Will this hurt or help Apple’s brand?

Apple announces plans for Statue of Liberty Apple Store

Fresh off of an announcement to transform education and textbooks, Apple has just released plans for their next Apple Store; right in the crown of one of the most historical landmarks in the world – the Statue of Liberty. Apple is no stranger to expanding its famous retail chain to historical landmarks. One of Apple’s most recent stores just opened its doors inside of Grand Central Station. However, building a store in the Statue of Liberty is a particularly bold move for Apple, as they run the risk of tarnishing their golden reputation. Some may feel that Apple is defacing one of the most iconic monuments on our planet. Others will likely enjoy the convenience of scheduling a Genius Bar appointment so they can get their iPhone fixed while touring the statue.

We reached out to famous New York architect and historian Francis King to get his perspective on this news. “Please tell me this is a joke”, he said. “No, seriously, you’re kidding, right?” When I showed him the press release, he replied, “This may very well be the worst news I have ever received in my entire life. This is a disgrace to our country, our history, and everything I believe in.” He was barely able to finish his sentence before vomiting all over himself.

We contacted a few travelers who recently visited the Statue of Liberty for their thoughts. Jason Baylop, a 56 year old father from Dallas said, “Well, I’ve got an Apple Store about 10 minutes from my home. If I wanted to buy an iPod, I’d get in my car and go buy it. Standing at the top of the Statue of Liberty certainly wouldn’t increase my desire to buy one.” We also spoke with a 26 year old from the Bronx. “When the iPad 3 launches, you can bet I’ll be camping out on Lady Liberty’s head with a bunch of others. We’ll be like lice”, he said, offering me a fist bump.

Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO released an official statement.

It is my honor to announce the Statue of Liberty Apple Store. We think it will be our most iconic Apple Store yet. We’re thrilled to provide magical devices and services to the millions of people that visit this monument every year. We believe this Apple Store will not only symbolize our spot in American history as one of the most important innovators, but it goes hand-in-hand with what we work to achieve every day at Apple – at the intersection of Technology, Liberal Arts, and Social Studies. We are honored to be able to join the Statue of Liberty in saying “Welcome to America!”