Apple CEO Tim Cook at D10: “We’re doubling down on celebrity Siri commercials”

The All Things D conference is one of the only non-Apple conferences that Apple participates in annually. It is well-known for their hot seat interviews with Steve Jobs, usually conducted by Walt Mossberg, tech journalist at the Wall Street Journal. This year, Apple CEO Tim Cook took the stage to replace the late Steve Jobs, making it his first interview at the All Things D conference.

Tim Cook had a lot of interesting things to say, hinting at future products, company focuses and new policies. One of the notable parts of the interview was when Walt asked Tim if he could give away any secrets about Apple’s plans for the next couple of months. “We’re doubling down on celebrity Siri commercials”, Tim said. It seems they are intending to produce many more commercials where celebrities are shown using Siri in their daily lives. The current line-up includes Zooey Deschanel, Samuel L Jackson and John Malkovich. When asked if Tim could name some of the upcoming celebrities, Tim replied “Stay tuned.”

What can we expect from the next set of celebrity Siri commercials? All Apple has managed to do is show how little value Siri adds in our daily lives. So far, celebrities have used Siri to determine if it’s raining while a window is in viewing distance, find restaurants who deliver soup (pro tip: probably none), ask it to tell a joke and laugh before it even tells the joke, and request that it “takes a night off”. None of these scenarios sell the service. Will the next set of celebrities do a better job?

We did some digging and were able to confirm that Pauly Shore, Keanu Reeves and Mel Gibson have all signed on to be featured in upcoming Siri commercials. Through an anonymous source, we were able to get our hands on a transcript from the Pauly Shore commercial.

Pauly: Hey buuuuuuuudy!

Siri: Sorry, I don’t understand ‘Hey bud ready’

Pauly: Find me a bar. I wanna chill.

Siri: I found 20 bars. 8 of them are close to you.

Pauly: Killer. Let’s wheeze a little ju-uice.

Siri: Let me think… how about a websearch for ‘Let’s wizened little JetBlue’s?’

Pauly: Sure bro

So far, we see no improvement on the quality of these commercials. It seems that they are expecting most users to be sold simply by showing a celebrity use Siri, no matter what the context is. Regardless, the one that we’re most concerned about is Mel Gibson’s commercial, given his history of violent rants. As soon as we can dig up information on that one, you’ll get it here first.