FDA approves Twittera, first A.D.D. inducing drug to assist with Internet adaption

One of the many great things about the Internet is the instancy of information. Reports of events around the world are available to you in near realtime. The barrier between you and the information is no longer the time it takes to get to you. Journalists need much less time to research content to ensure that their stories are accurate and credible. The only time required is the time it takes for someone to write down the information. For the most respected blogs, this can be 5-10 minutes after news breaks. Other blogs skip the less important pieces like spell checking, grammar and proofreading. Twitter, everyone’s favorite 140 character social network reaches a level that could certainly be deemed as unacceptable by anyone other than the youth of the 21st century. The brevity and complete lack of respect for the English language would give Mark Twain night sweats.

Twitter is one of many new Internet services that encourages users to spend no more on a few minutes on any one thing. YouTube, for example has millions of videos that are 2 minutes or less in length. In fact, during its first few years of existence, the YouTube video maximum time limit was only 10 minutes. In 2010, they increased it to 15 minutes, still half the length of any short comedy television show. There is a new expectation the Internet has created for humanity. Our time is perceived as more important than ever before. We are now encouraged to consume as much content as possible in any given day. People assume others have seen every new viral video, every notable piece of news and understand every new meme. If not, you are seen as disconnected – an outsider, someone who doesn’t “get it”. This is a world where you are required to have A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder) to survive.

These unrealistic expectations continue to weigh on many people. Some of us can’t adapt to a world of constant quick consumption – a world where 500+ character articles and messages require a T.L.D.R. (Too Long Didn’t Read; A 2-3 line cliff note summary of the article) in order to glean any information from it.

Today, those of us who are not lucky enough to be born with A.D.D. can breathe a sigh of relief. Today, the FDA approved a drug called Twittera, a medication that will induce A.D.D. for up to 8 hours. Those who take this medication can expect to read faster, lose attention and lose interest after spending a few minutes reading, watching or doing anything. This drug is expected to be a life changing experience for many Internet users. We are told they plan to initially market to Baby Boomers, with ads on less relevant websites such as Yahoo, MSN and Classmates.com.

Readers, would you take this new drug? Do we really need it? Sound off in the comments.

Twitter admits to major oversight: “We forgot about our iPad app”

The first few years of Twitter’s existence was the wild west. Twitter opened up their service with a powerful, nearly limitless API to allow anyone to make Twitter applications. After letting many unofficial mobile and desktop apps exist, Twitter made a bold move and asked people to stop building them. They then acquired Tweetie, one of the most popular 3rd party Twitter applications in an effort to consolidate the experience, launching official Twitter apps. Though this upset many developers, it allowed Twitter to expand on their feature set and create a consistency between platforms. They also promised an iPad app to launch soon after.

When the official Twitter iPad app launched, it was one of the more impressive iPad apps. Its columned interface made sense and worked well. However, some time after the iPad app made its debut, it started to become stale. Twitter began adding many great features to their website, including the ability to see interactions, discover new content and more. All of these great new additions would crossover to their mobile apps with updates. But what about their iPad app? Nothing changed. And worst of all, there’s no sign of improvements in the near future.

We reached out to Dick Costolo, CEO of Twitter to try to make sense of this. “We honestly just forgot about our iPad app. Going back and looking at it again, we not only realize how disconnected it is from our mobile and web apps, but we were pleasantly surprised. It’s actually a pretty nice app. We were on to something”, Dick said. “I gotta say, this is inspiring me to go back and give it another look.”

We were taken aback by his severe lack of concern for the whole matter. We asked him to explain why Twitter has been so careless on updating the iPad experience. “Well, let’s be honest bro. I’ve got a lot on my plate. And I don’t even own an iPad. So it’s not exactly top of mind. I’ll tell you what”, he said, “We’ll need at least a few weeks to coordinate a meeting on this, but we’ll take that first step. Whether or not we’ll make the updates, I can’t say for sure at this point. But we certainly appreciate your concern.”