Dollar Tree Launches Android App Store [BREAKING]

In March, Amazon launched their own app store for Android apps. You might be thinking, “why would Amazon launch an app store?” Well, let’s put it this way. I have no idea. It’s weird. In fact, it weirds me out so much that I’ve decided to put no effort in researching how the hell it works. Do they have exclusive apps that aren’t in Google’s own app store, “Google Play” (ugh that name, another thing that I don’t want to get into). Are they selling the same apps at a different cost than Google Play? Does that mean if I own an Android device, I’m obligated to search several app stores just to find a todo list app?

Well, the saturation continues today as America’s favorite dollar store, Dollar Tree has decided to make their mobile debut with their own Android app store. Their motivation is clear – they intend to only sell apps priced at $1. No more, no less. Apps included in Dollar Tree Appstore at launch will be Angry Birds, Fruit Ninja, and around 2,000 camera apps.

We reached out to Dollar Tree CEO, Bob Sasser for comment. “Do what? What are we launching?” I told Bob about the Appstore. “Android? Well we sell some robot toys in our stores but I don’t know what that is specifically. We may carry it. Give your nearest Dollar Tree a call.” I went on to explain smartphones, told him all about the app ecosystem, how mobile platforms work, etc. I talked for nearly an hour. “Adam, let me stop you there. The things you’ve just said to me are way over my head. We sell retail items for a dollar. We don’t do any of this gadget stuff.”

I was pretty frustrated at this point, so we got the Mockcrunch team on the case. From our research, we were able to determine that a single Dollar Tree corporate intern was behind this initiative. We reached out to James Farely, the intern who created the project. “Dollar Tree needs innovation. Our CEO is clueless, so I thought I’d help out a bit. I didn’t take this to Bob because I knew he wouldn’t get it.”

We asked James if any executives were aware of the Dollar Tree Appstore. “Haha, yeah right”, he said. “This company is a total nightmare. They are still selling retail products at a dollar. The brand is locked in. Inflation continues to rise, and we can’t steer from that dollar price. That just means our products continue to get shittier. In 10 years, we’ll only be selling single sheets of paper.”

Zynga launches Draw Something clone despite acquiring it

Zynga is widely known as the game development powerhouse behind hot Facebook and mobile games such as Farmville, Cityville, Mafia Wars and more. Their incredible success was highly contributed to a formula they discovered which combined two very dangerous things – addiction and virtual goods. Zynga replicated this formula many times, using the same elements of gameplay and changing the theme, ranging from kingdoms to zoos. And it worked. Zynga has even been known to use analytics to help them tweak aspects of gameplay until it reaches the perfect point of obsession and impatience, leading to uncontrollable splurging, amounting to a gazillion dollars for Zynga.

Zynga is also known for blatantly ripping off games without any shame or concern. For example, one of their first hits, Mafia Wars was an exact copy of a Facebook Game that already existed. Zynga is also currently in production of a near-identical version of the hit mobile game, Tiny Tower. The Tiny Tower developers even reacted with a sarcastic “thanks for copying our game” response. Adding to their wreckless actions, Zynga announced today that they have launched a clone of their recently acquired game Draw Something, called Whiteboardville.

Whiteboardville is Zynga’s latest addition to their mobile lineup, allowing users to take turns drawing pictures for their friends based on a word selected from a random list. So basically, Draw Something. Some users believe that Whiteboardville is Zynga’s rebranding of Draw Something. However, apparently this is not the case. We reached out to Mark Pincus, Zynga’s CEO for a response.

“Oh Whiteboardville? Yeah that has nothing to do with Draw Something. We’re letting the Draw Something team do what they do best – improve Draw Something. Whiteboardville was our way to capitalize on a completely different market – those who love drawing and spending money.”

Mark expects Whiteboardville to be a huge success for Zynga. “In Whiteboardville, we reward users based on how many pictures they draw. But, you can only draw up to 3 pictures an hour. If you want to draw more pictures, you’ll have to pay to refill your picture meter”, he said. “Our analytics show that Draw Something users draw a lot of pictures. We expect that Whiteboardville will be a huge success for us.”