413 Celebrity investment funds you need to know about

Celebrity investors are on the rise. From Ashton Kutcher to Macaulay Culkin. At Mockcrunch, it is our duty to keep you informed on potential sources of funding for your next round, or even your next startup. To fulfill that mission, here are 413 celebrities and a little a tip about what might attract some of that famous money.

  • Charlie Sheen: CplusS Fund – Sheen waits for Ashton Kutcher to make a startup investment, and then immediately invests in a competing company. Given the reckless abandon of Kutcher’s investments, you should be good with just about anything.
  • Eli Manning: Me Too Fund – Invests only in aloof founders with successful older sibling founders.
  • John Mayer: Investing is a Wonderland – Mayer’s no longer waiting for the world to change. He’s investing in companies who are doing it now.
  • Aaron Sorkin: The Social Network 2.0 Fund – Invests in companies with the potential of a dramatic break up so he can write the screenplay. Looking for founders who have been on The Real World or Cheaters.
  • Jessie “The guy who played Zuck in the Facebook movie” Eisenberg: You Know What’s Cool? Fund – “No really. Do you know what’s cool? I need some good companies.”
  • Ron Paul: Gold Standard Fund – Invests in companies with passionate grassroots users as long as they have no strategy to win their market.
  • Bill Clinton: Saxy Time – Diversity investments. Invests in mildly husky women with loose morals, that like jazz.
  • Robert Pattinson: Team Edward – Invests in Vampire Founders. Try to schedule a meeting at night or in your basement office. The sun doesn’t harm him, but he’ll probably be wearing glitter, and it’s awkward.
  • Taylor Lautner: Team Jacob – Invests in Warewolf Founders. Only takes meetings during full moons. Otherwise, how’s he supposed to know. Bring Bactine.
  • Yoko Ono: They’re Holding You Back Fund - Invests in single founder of a founding team. Start taking on side projects that your partners would rather you didn’t.
  • Flo-Rida: Flo-Funda – Invests in companies that give him a “good feeling.”
  • The Cast of Entourage: Let’s Fund it out, Bitch – Invests in Bro founders. Requires that development team is at least two-thirds brogrammers.
  • Nickelback: Will-give-you-money-if-you’ll-be-their-friend Fund – Nickelback will give you money if you’ll be their friend.
  • Michael Arrington: Conflict of Interest Fund – Invests in companies that his media outlets cover, especially if you’ve been acquired and fired by AOL.
  • Baldwins and Osmonds: Various Names of Funds – All of the Baldwin and Osmond siblings total 399, and each one has his or her own investment fund. Approach them if your family has a unique talent.

If you know of a celebrity investor we forgot, let us know about them in the comments.

Comments

  1. Ed Butowsky says:

    I love to discover what my favorite celebrities are doing with their wealth.

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