Zeddie Little was just another runner until he was caught on camera running a 10K. Zeddie’s photo stands out among the more serious and focused faces of his competitors. Zeddie is now ready to go the distance with his own mobile application. “RPG and Me” inserts Zeddie’s beaming face into your personal photos. Take Zeddie to the zoo. Zeddie at Mt Rushmore. Zeddie at Aunt Cathy’s birthday party at Bucca di Beppo. Zeddie does love Italian.
Ironically enough, Zeddie was planning on becoming an app developer anyway. Although he thought he was learning Objective C, he was actually just completing reCAPTCHAs for 6 months, meaning that time was not entirely lost. Zeddie’s original revenue model was to create value for users that they would pay for, but he will now be using the much more reliable aquisition strategy. Dave McClure of 500 startups has lauded this strategy as genius, and is planning on giving the fourth offer to buy RPG and me.
Zeddie’s business partner and startup homeless person Brody “TheBomb” Dotcom is handling these negotiations. “In order to maximize the profit for our investors, we will be turning down the first six offers without hearing them.” One of the essential parts of the business strategy is to keep the actual number of users secret. “Traditionally, the cards you hold close to your chest are revenue. Since revenue isn’t even a factor anymore, we have to be able to keep some kind of secrecy. We’re going to do that by not releasing the size of our userbase, or the location of our developers. We’ve actually moved them from Daly City to a third world country to keep them from being poached”
When asked if this revenue strategy might not work if there is a new tech bubble, Dave McClure responded by putting a black bag over my head, throwing me in a van, and I was never heard from again.